There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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