We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
