If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
