Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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