They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
