I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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