dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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