I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
