she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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