Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
