I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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