pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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