His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
