you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
