p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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