I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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