he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
