I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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