how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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