a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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