It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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