He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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