we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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