I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
