I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
