is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
