he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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