I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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