I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
