i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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