Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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