I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
