Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
