Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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