Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
