There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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