the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
