i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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