oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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