if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it was like eating out sand paper
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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