My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
