my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
