I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
