i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
