Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
