My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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