I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
