Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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