I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
