WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
