I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
