You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
