Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm getting married
To pizza
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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