Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
