I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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