smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
