I am in a vortex of obligation.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
