let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
