I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
