I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize