So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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