Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
