i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
