On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You left your phone here
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