how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize