i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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