I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
