New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
