i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I FOUND THE LEGS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
