apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
